tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51891372011-04-21T19:51:04.721-04:00Uncensored and UnsureJust another place to write.Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comBlogger261100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-1110456819993263232005-03-10T07:12:00.000-05:002005-03-10T07:13:39.996-05:00Blog has been moved to: http://butterymufkin.livejournal.comemail: mufkin@gmail.comRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-1062443437809997772003-09-01T15:10:00.001-04:002003-09-01T15:10:37.843-04:00Uncensored and UnsureUncensored and Unsure
testRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-1062443405929990332003-09-01T15:10:00.000-04:002003-09-01T15:10:05.963-04:00
I'm hosting someone! whoot. heheRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-1061961774537429982003-08-27T01:22:00.000-04:002003-08-27T01:22:54.496-04:00Wow. I can't believe how long it's been since I wrote in here. I'm so neglectful.
Thigs with Geoff are still wonderful. Well, at least when I let them be.
I still have trouble accepting that someone truly cares about me, and it scares me, so I seem to try to push him away.
Not much is really new. I'm getting my own domain in the next little while. Mufkinland.com.
Umm... yeah. Nothing to Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-954945452003-06-10T02:04:00.000-04:002003-06-10T02:04:47.620-04:00I can't even describe how wonderful things with Geoff are.
He treats me like I'm so incredibly special... and I actually feel special with him.
Every second I spend with him is amazing and wonderful and spectacular. I miss him so much when he's gone.
I just want him around all the time. Which is odd, because I don't like anyone around me much.
I look into my future and he's always there. Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-950729152003-05-30T05:09:00.000-04:002003-05-30T05:09:34.473-04:00I love Geoff so much.
I can discuss anything with him, and everything just makes sense. I honestly don't feel like I need to hide my past, or keep my stupid irrational thoughts to myself.
I think I scared him tonight. I asked him if he ever thought about marriage. haha.
The reason I asked is because when I was talking to Wil tonight, he was talking about how committed he and his boyfriend Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-949275892003-05-27T01:37:00.000-04:002003-05-27T01:37:08.880-04:00See? I worry needlessly. He was on the phone with his cousin for the last few hours.
Much better. :)Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-949265502003-05-27T01:00:00.000-04:002003-05-27T01:00:42.513-04:00I love Geoff so much.
He's a wonderful boyfriend and a wonderful lover, and just... overall wonderful.
I haven't talked to him today. I did get an IM from him, which made my day. But other than that... :(
This is where my insecurity clicks in and I start wondering where he is. Of course I won't ask, because it's none of my business. I wouldn't expect him to ask me where I've been if I've Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-946147752003-05-19T23:38:00.000-04:002003-05-19T23:38:46.836-04:00So... Geoff and I are now officially "together" now. So you won't have to see me complain about the uncertainty of it all.
He's probably the first guy I've been with that I trust would never purposely hurt me. I say purposely because you can't always control things... ya know how it is.
Of course I'm going through my whole "what the hell am I doing with a boyfriend" crap. Of course. Even myRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-944764162003-05-16T19:56:00.000-04:002003-05-16T19:56:59.860-04:00"I would sit through 711 billion epidodes of Dawsons Creek if it meant you would be happy."
that's the best thing ever said to me.
What kind of bothers me, is he's a lot like Jay... but older.
I guess that's not really a bad thing though. I thought Jay was my soulmate for a long time, and he's still one of my closest friends.
Maybe I shouldn't analyze things just yet.
The easiest way to Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-944283102003-05-15T23:38:00.000-04:002003-05-15T23:38:19.493-04:00He's wonderful.Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-941860352003-05-12T01:14:00.000-04:002003-05-12T01:14:30.626-04:00I hate not knowing.
The ex is getting in the way. Even if he does choose me I have no idea if he's choosing me because he wants me, or if he's choosing me because the ex doesn't want him... or what.
Blah.
It's really bothering me. I can't seem to get it off my mind. He keeps asking what's bothering me, but I really don't want to bring it up. I just have to trust my instincts I guess, and ifRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-939090532003-05-07T00:54:00.000-04:002003-05-07T00:54:34.826-04:00I'm feeling unsettled.
I don't know where this is going and I hate feeling uncertain.
I'm confused. He's confused? We're both confused? I don't like confusion.
I'm too freaking shy to bring it up.Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-938188012003-05-05T16:00:00.000-04:002003-05-05T16:00:12.803-04:00Look what I made
base by: http://members.optusnet.com/au/sweetivy8
yay me.
My emotions are so mixed up right now. I like him so much. I don't know what's holding me back.
I'm so embarassed at how I've acted in past relationships. It's like I'm trying to protect him from me. And protecting me from myself.
I ask people for advice, they all tell me to follow my heart. My heart isn't tooRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-925943022003-04-14T13:35:00.000-04:002003-04-14T13:35:49.216-04:00Sometimes I get feelings for people that I shouldn't.
Sometimes I find myself pining for someone that isn't good for me.
Sometimes I find myself dreaming about that person.
That's when I get frustrated and want to rip my hair out of my scalp screaming.
I try not to fall for people. I try to keep myself in check before I even *think* about a relationship.
Crushes can be deadly.Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-924132552003-04-11T02:54:00.000-04:002003-04-11T02:54:39.686-04:00I've read about so much death today. It seems like every time I turn around, someone sends me a link to a journal of someone who has died.
It's then that I go to everybody's page that posts, to find out details. That's when it reminds me of the deaths that have affected me so much.
Erin Marazzo - Passed away at 15-years old from Cystic Fibrosis. It wasn't unexpected, but still shocking that Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-921277382003-04-07T00:33:00.000-04:002003-04-07T00:33:51.013-04:00I was quite productive today. I held off on my daily nap and decided to do some cleaning in my room.
I'm happy with how it turned out. I got a few things organized, most of my jewelry, cleaned out some purses... that was a big job in itself.
It's funny when you look inside a girl's purse. You can tell a lot about them.
Each purse had numerous antibacterial hand lotions, lipsticks, aquafresh Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-920820702003-04-06T05:21:00.000-04:002003-04-06T05:21:14.950-04:00I wish I had something extremely meaningful to write about. I keep switching back and forth between this blog and my diaryland journal.
I joined a few sites that give you prompts to write about, so hopefully that will help inspire me.
I'm no great writer or anything. I'm used to writing meaningless crap that bores the hell out of people. I want to change that though. I want to be profound. IRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-914592372003-03-26T23:51:00.000-05:002003-03-26T23:51:50.106-05:00You could rip out all of my organs, put them back in, and you'll never hear me complain.
Give me a bad chest and head cold, and I'll whine like a little bitch who just lost her playboy bunny naval ring.
I'm so sick. My mom is being so good to me though. She bought me 2 slurpees today, and Iced Tea from Wendi's, a frostee, and orange juice. I love my mom.
Tommorrow I have a doctor's Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-913328392003-03-25T02:37:00.000-05:002003-03-25T02:37:04.966-05:00I can't seem to get past this obsession I have with wanting a baby.
I know I'm not financially stable, and the circumstances are not to be desired. I'm not going to attempt to have a baby yet. Or anytime in the near future.
I just can't stop thinking about it.
It's probably because of Tammy just having her baby. And going to see him. And holding him. And falling in love with him.
I really Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-912678702003-03-24T02:54:00.000-05:002003-03-24T03:04:30.000-05:00People that live in the downtown areas of cities tend to have what I like to call, "a downtown mentality". This also goes for people that spend most of their time in these downtown areas.
This of course doesn't apply to everyone, but most.
I used to be one of those people. I spent many years downtown. I spent many years at the bars downtown. I spent many years dating people from downtown.
Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-912335022003-03-23T13:49:00.000-05:002003-03-24T02:08:03.000-05:00Seeing Tammy with Jesse was really quite a shock to me.
Here's this girl that I've known for 17 years. My best friend in the whole world. The girl that I honestly thought at one time would never amount to everything. She has a family.
She has her own family, a secure job, she's one of the smartest girls I've known. I'm so proud of her.
I can't help but be jealous and a little bitter thoughRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-911707472003-03-22T02:49:00.000-05:002003-03-22T02:49:59.640-05:00Want to know what really drives me insane?
Of course you don't.
I'm going to tell you anyway.
Sex.
I hate sex. I hate all aspects of sex. I hate how people become different as a result of sex.
I hate how a girl can spend years waiting and waiting for the right time to have sex, and then the minute she actually does, it just doesn't seem like such an important thing anymore.
I hate how some Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-911430052003-03-21T15:27:00.000-05:002003-03-21T15:27:02.483-05:00I'm not used to having no idea who's reading my entries. Very strange. Yet... comfortable at the same time.
Watching the "Shock and Awe" was kind of scary today. I just kept imagining I was in that area, hearing the loud booming around me, watching the sky light up, watching it fill with smoke, seeing mushroom clouds from my window.
It seems so senseless. I mean, the US left Russia alone andRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-911149132003-03-21T04:47:00.000-05:002003-03-21T04:47:17.543-05:00Lookie there Jethro!
I have a pretty pink page. Very nice. Quite enjoyable and girly. Pretty little lips over at the side there.
Of course this is done for me, since no one's really ever going to read this anyway.Rikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5189137.post-911125262003-03-21T03:19:00.000-05:002003-03-21T03:20:52.000-05:00Alrighty... Finally got this to work.
Now I just need to learn HTML so I can make it pretty.
Anyway... I'm not exactly sure why I felt the need to keep another journal. I guess it's just a place for me to get really personal, and people can decide whether or not they want to read it. So I can keep the depressing shit off of IAM and LiveJournal.
I'm really feeling quite bad that I don't give aRikki-Leahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07572634428387040948noreply@blogger.com